Black Friday momma

Wednesday night I called Mom. She's 73 and a bit loopy (not due to age - she's always been that way). She told me she read that a few stores would be having big sales the day after Thanksgiving. Um, Mom, they all do that. Every year. Like, um, everyone knows, it's no secret. Then she said she might pop into Wal-Mart on Friday. Um, Mom, it will be a madhouse. Insane. Don't go. So she says she'll go early. Sigh. Mom, *everyone* goes early. Real early. Like they line up before the joint opens so they can save $50 on something that will be sold at near that price before Christmas somewhere else anyway where you don't have to spend several precious hours of your life at a store to get it. She wasn't even looking for a big-ticket bargain - she was probably going to buy milk or something.

So I called her today, and she said she went to Wal-Mart at 7 a.m. Friday and the place was packed. No, really? She didn't buy anything that was on the special sale, but she did find a few things she wanted (that she could've bought without being a Black Friday doorbuster). So she wasn't dissatisfied with the trip, but she is still loopy. Moms are funny.

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If only I could pay bills with stick-figure drawings...

If this story is true, it's pretty awesome. A man tried to pay his utility bill with a drawing of a spider. Not even a good one, not framed and matted, oh no - it was sent via email. Here's the story.

The kicker is that someone then sold the drawing on eBay for $15,000! I'm sure some yahoos thought they were being funny bidding up the cost, so it remains to be seen if any cheddar actually gets handed over.

The guy who won says he "was just having a laugh" and doesn't intend to pay up. Who's sadder - the guy who tormented some poor utility company employee with repeated emails trying to pay their bill with a spider drawing, or the total loser who gets his jollies making false bids on moronic eBay auctions? I'll vote for the eBay loser. At least the guy who did the original drawing exhibited a real sense of humor and did something more taxing and creative than placing a bid on eBay. He did drag the emails out a bit and may have made some poor employee want to bang her head into the desk, but he never got cruel or abusive - just a little annoying to her I imagine. Or maybe he even made her laugh, who knows? He surely gave her something to share at that water cooler.

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Jude Law's still hot, no matter what MSN says

MSN has an article called "Sunken Dreamboats" about how some former hunks are looking worse for the wear. I think it's a bit mean ... but I couldn't resist clicking on the link! Mainly because one of the three men in the main picture looked like someone I'd never seen before. Turns out it was Mickey Rourke (far left in pic below)! Yikes! He's the Titanic and everyone is rushing for the lifeboats!



Of course, with some of the guys, the "after" picture is a police mug shot when they were drunk/stoned or whatever, or some other carefully selected really bad pic. I hotly contest the claim that Jude Law isn't looking so good; they used a bad photo is all, and he still doesn't look exactly dog-faced in that! Me still likey!

But I do have one question: Exactly when did Val Kilmer (far right above) turn into Beau Bridges (right)?!

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Trying to call Wal-Mart about online orders?

I just placed an order at the Web site and noticed a billing error. When I tried to find a customer service number, there wasn't one listed. I Googled it, and according to various articles, Wal-Mart has removed its customer service number for online orders, and you can only email for assistance. I think that's pretty craptacular, so I dug around and found a number. I just called, and it works fine. The automated menus are a bit confusing, as it sounded like I was making a selection to get another automated menu, when it actually took me to a real live person. Success! Here's the info I found online about how to reach Wally World.com:

To reach the Contact Center of Wal-Mart Stores, call 1-800-WALMART (1-800-925-6278), from 7 a.m. to 9 p.m. (CT) Monday - Friday, from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. (CT) Saturday or from 12 p.m. to 6 p.m. (CT) Sunday.

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Axl's new album rocks last fan who still gives a s***

Somewhere out there, some dude clinging to '80s memories of hair bands and Headbangers' Ball actually cares that Guns N' Roses has a new album out. He doesn't mind that GNR as he knew it is now really just Axl Rose (the only remaining original member); he doesn't care that the album took 15 years and $13 million to create yet isn't "the greatest rock album ever made" (what one reviewer said it needed to be to impress after all that time and money); he's not turned off because the rocker that once oozed a dangerous, bad-boy sex appeal (apart from god knows what else he's oozed over the years) now looks like some bloated middle-aged dad who likes to embarrass the kids with a garage band and hairstyle copied from Bo Derek in "10."

Oh no. "Chinese Democracy" breaks like a wave of righteous rock freedom over the lone fan, out there somewhere with his worn-out cassette of "Appetite for Destruction" clutched in a studded leather-gloved hand, bandanna-bound head turned toward the horizon with hope restored in humanity.

I, however, can't relate to this fan. Sure, I remember the thrill of hearing "Welcome to the Jungle" in 1987. I was a teen in a small town, and that song seemed to kick my teeth in and shine into my gaping maw the light of what seemed an immensely harsher, cooler world than anything I'd ever known. That song still rocks, and still evokes images of the video with Axl shaking his skinny ass on stage with the teased-out hair and lipstick of a million anonymous glam rockers, but seeming to have something more to say, something more underneath than any of the rest. It turns out what lay beneath was a big steaming pile of ego, but hey, at least he churned out some hella good music before the stench got overwhelming.

I haven't heard the new album. I'm not overly interested in it and won't be lining up with whatever fans remain to get the album at Best Buy, the sole spot to pick up this would-be masterpiece. Maybe I'll go back and listen to "Appetite for Destruction" and remember the good ol' days, back when Axl was a hot rock star instead of some guy who just doesn't seem as cool as I thought he was when I was in high school.

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Stuff White People Like

I just heard about the Web site called Stuff White People Like. It's pretty funny and slightly edgy (are we supposed to make fun of race, even if targets middle-class white posers? Ooh, naughty naughty). It has even spawned a best-selling book of the same title. I must say, though, on the post about hummus, that I not only like humus but I've seen non-white friends eat it, too. But then again, I was the one who ordered the hummus appetizer. Were they just being polite? Am I the only one who truly enjoyed the toasted pita and the tangy chickpea concoction? Or maybe, just maybe, I should not worry about it and simply enjoy the site - and my hummus - and leave it at that. Sounds like a plan.

Just for funsies, here's a taste (haha) of what the site says about hummus:

All white people like hummus. In fact, if you find a white person who does not like hummus then they probably just haven’t tasted it or they are the wrong kind of white person. In either case, they are probably not someone that you want to know.

Putting out a plate of hummus and pita makes white people very comfortable. It reminds them of home since at any given time a white person has hummus in their fridge. Even the most barren white refrigerator will have a package of the stuff next to an empty Brita filter.

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