I Dream of Jeannie's Diner

Do you love I Dream of Jeannie and Suzanne Vega? Who doesn't?! Yesterday the infectious tune used in Nick at Nite promos in the '90s kept rolling through my head -- you know, the one where they wrote a song about I Dream of Jeannie and did it to the tune of Vega's "Tom's Diner." And it's on YouTube! Get out your harem pants, 'cause here it is:



Check out the lyrics:

I am sitting on the sofa, there's a TV in the corner
I am watching Major Nelson, he is played by Larry Hagman (Jeannie!)
And he found a little bottle, and out popped Barbara Eden
But she couldn't show her belly button, all she did was blink

(Dr. Bellows: Uh, Good Evening Major Nelson)
Tony Nelson works at NASA with suspicious Dr. Bellows
And there's also Roger Healy, who would become Howard Borden (Jeannie!)
And Jeannie always means well, but they get in wacky trouble
She folds her arms and blinks her eyes, it's kind of like Bewitched

(Jeannie!)
(Jeannie! Jeannie!)
(Yes, master!)

Oh the reruns will continue on the TV as I'm watching
The pink smoke of her bottle
I am dreaming of Jeannie
(Jeannie!)

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Tasty licks

- Ooh, The Simpsons intro parodying the Mad Men intro is online, thanks to Videogum.com. Check it out!

- It's been a long and winding road, but the Beatles finally go digital with an upcoming video game.

- It's hard out there for a Time Lord: David Tennant is leaving Doctor Who. Who might steer the Tardis in his place?

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Somehow, I think Russell Brand will be OK

Russell Brand is out of a job. Here's a video clip of his apology and resignation, and quite a nice, sincere one it is, too. He did screw up, but the man does have an endearing charm about him. Kind of like a dog that will pee on your leg, then give you an innocent look with those big, sad eyes, and you don't know whether to be mad or charmed. Which is to say, Brand may be down, but don't count him out quite yet.

The British actor/comedian/radio and TV host quit a BBC radio show after creating a big stir by making some rather rude phone calls to an elderly actor about the man's burlesque-queen granddaughter (whom Brand apparently did have a relationship with at one time, and who called for him to get the ax). His partner in crime, Jonathan Ross, got suspended.

Brand is a huge star in the UK, and is gaining ground in the States, where he's known as a host of the MTV awards and a star of the movie "Forgetting Sarah Marshall". So while he reportedly has a $12 million a year contract with the BBC, I'm sure he'll be fine if that cash cow dries up for him.

At least I hope he will be; I'm sure his bills for hair gel, eyeliner, and skin-tight black jeans must be over the six-figure range, and it simply wouldn't do for him to be too broke to maintain that spiky haired rocker look. I kinda dig it.

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Tasty licks

- Love a good Top Ten list from David Letterman? He recently took on Sarah Palin's pricey wardrobe.

- The Simpsons will do their take of Mad Men's retro-cool opener on Nov. 2 in the "Treehouse of Horror XIX" episode, according to bestweekever.tv. Check out the great screenshots on the site (can you say "hip wallpaper")?

- Alabama levies a "fat tax" on state government workers by way of upping health insurance premiums come January. So, will they raise premiums for smokers? People with a family history of cancer? This could get sticky, y'all.

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Are Russell Brand & Jonathan Ross naughty Brit boys?

British celebs Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross are in hot water over a series of phone messages they left for 78-year-old actor Andrew Sachs (the guy who played waiter Manuel on Fawlty Towers) during a BBC radio show. They got down and dirty, making comments involving Brand having sex with the actor's 23-year-old granddaughter, Georgina Baillie. Baillie is a member of the burlesque dance group the Satanic Sluts and goes by the moniker "Voluptua."

Now, just because she "perform[s] violent, horrific and sexy burlesque shows" (according to her Myspace page) doesn't mean she deserves to be talked about so rudely on the radio, even on the off chance she did get freaky with Brand (a possibility as they do know each other and have professed a love of all things carnal). And it certainly doesn't mean her 75-year-old paw-paw should get raunchy messages about her on his machine.

The whole issue is a bit more touchy because tax money funds the BBC, so it's a bit of a scandal when men who are paid millions of British pounds in taxpayers' money say really crass things to an old man about his granddaughter. That's a bit of an oopsy.

I'm not sure which side of the fence I'm on. Celebrities saying naughty things to a man about his granddaugther (and later suggesting he might kill himself after hearing them)? I'm gonna have to say that's a no-no. But then again, anyone who's heard Russell Brand knows he can go a bit overboard - that's what he's paid for. He's actually a good comic, and of a sort that could very possibly break the American market - the humor of most comics in the UK doesn't translate well, but Brand's does. But he likes to be a bit of the Howard-Stern-shock-jock of England at times, and the thing about going out on a limb is that sometimes it breaks off beneath you. I don't really know much about Jonathan Ross; he's huge in the UK, though. I'm guessing he gets paid to be outrageous, too.

So, were these guys just earning their paychecks? Or did they cross a line? Do they deserve to be fired, as some politicians have demanded? I think maybe a reprimand would suffice, as firing them for being outrageous is a bit like firing a chef for cooking. But then again, if the chef ruins your dinner party with a crap meal .... hmm. I don't think this was a hanging offence, though it would've been closer to one if the young lady in question were a private citizen rather than someone who is a bit of a public figure who also is not exactly engaged in a demure line of work. What do you think?

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Tasty licks

- I'm simply flabbergasted.

- Here's the promo for the next season of Lost. I can't wait!

- Obama gets backing from old-school TV stars - Opie, Andy and the Fonz. They even did a video reviving their characters.

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NYT: Hicks need not apply

In its ad for a stringer in Atlanta, The New York Times clearly thinks everyone in the South fixates on "dog fights, cock fights, or the Confederate flag." That's not true. They also like Nascar and Wal-Marting.

But seriously, I spent a large portion of my life in the deep South, and I'm a bit offended the Times thinks those "issues" will be so prominent among possible correspondents that it warns them away in the job ad. Maybe it gets tons of such story pitches and that's why the footnote was included. Or maybe some smug A-hole who assumes all Southerners are hicks thought it best to head the tobaccy-chawing inbreds off at the pass. The Times is a good newspaper in general, but in this case, the NYT can suck it. Thanks for the tip off, Katie and Newscoma.

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Looks count for candidates - especially women

It's a non-scandal. People have been complaining about the $150,000 spent on clothes, hair and makeup for Sarah Palin by the Republican National Committee as she stumps for office. I'm no fan of Palin, but we all know popularity gets tangled up with looks, and far, far more so for women than for men. If Palin were 10 times as qualified but looked half as good, she probably wouldn't even be on the ticket. Basically, if Palin looks good, her chances to win look good (well, maybe not good, but a hell of a lot better than if she weren't milfy). Here's a CNN news babe that shares my sentiments.

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But are Eels tracks still free in a parallel universe?

Hot indie band the Eels are giving away a four-track live EP online until Oct. 28. To hear clips of the band's music, check out their Myspace page.

An interesting aside about this band: Lead singer and songwriter Mark Oliver Everett was also the topic of the documentary "Parallel Worlds, Parallel Lives," which looks at his relationship with his father, the late quantum physicist Hugh Everett III, who developed the theory of parallel universes. This aired on PBS last night, but hopefully will repeat. It also aired months ago in the UK, and was a very interesting look at not only the father-son relationship between these two men, but also the theory of parallel universes itself. It seems Mark never fully understood his father's theory (how many do?), and the documentary is a journey through his discovery of what the theory was about as well as what his father was about, too. Read more about Mark here.

Mark's autobiography, "Things the Grandchildren Should Know," hit stores earlier this month in the States. It's been out since January in the UK. Should make for interesting reading.

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You're surprised that Sarah Silverman sucks?

The audience booed comic Sarah Silverman at her first-ever show in London. Was I surprised? Yes and no. I've always thought she was a minimal talent who occasionally brings the funny, but who too often relies on being crudely shocking without having anything worth a laugh behind it. So I can understand why an audience wouldn't dig her.

But this was a British audience. Get that, BRITISH. As in the people who made the likes of Al Murray the Pub Landlord, Johnny Vegas and Lee Evans (or as I call him, "sweat boy") big stars. If you're American you probably haven't heard of them, because they are so patently unfunny that in the States they couldn't get a gig as the opener for an open mic night. In the UK, they get TV specials and sell out shows at you-must-be-kidding British ticket prices. If the audiences are generous enough with their laughs (and money) to make that lot stars, surely they'd be willing to go for Silverman's salty shtick.

Which is why I was surprised - and impressed - when they didn't. Sure, they were fool-hardy enough to pay about £45 a ticket (that's roughly $76), but at least they stood (or sat) their ground by refusing to leave when she put in only 40 minutes. This forced her to come back and do a short Q&A as an encore before telling the audience to go home. What, she couldn't pull another 15 minutes of material out of her ass? That's surely where she keeps her best jokes anyway, so what was the problem? She's been in this business for 15 years or so, and should have loads of material (if she were worth a damn). Dave Attell is one of my favorite stand-ups, and that guy not only can blow you away with a show, but if you catch him more than once while he's doing a slate of weekend gigs, you'll get an almost entirely different show each time because he has a huge amount of material developed over the years. That's the way any long-time comedian worth his salt should be.

I'm really curious as to whether many in Silverman's audience thought she wasn't funny during the set, or liked the show but were only pissed over the length. The BBC article linked above does note one fan saying it was all old material, but that's all it says on the subject. Chortle reviewer Steve Bennett backs that up when he says her material was "familiar," but also says Silverman "did nothing to disappoint." So I'm guessing many fans enjoyed the show, but the length is what really got their hackles up.

I was also curious if she had an opening act that might have filled out the length of the show. According to Bennett, there was "only the scantest of embarrassing support from Matt Berry and Rich Fulcher to pad this out into a show." Question answered, and it sounds like fans got a raw deal.

Note to Silverman: If you're lucky enough to have built a successful career and have fans willing to pay $76 to hear you spout your often sub-par routine, the least you can do is put in the effort and give them a show that lasts longer than it took to park the car.

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Tasty licks

- SNL raked in its best ratings in 14 years thanks to Sarah Palin. Wow, do you think the woman who's indirectly helping revive what used to be the coolest show on TV ever even watched it before now?

- Marcia, Marcia, Marcia! The Brady babe finally tells her story in a memoir, only to get slammed in this review. Maybe that dude from the Monkees can serenade the bad vibes away.

- Six famous people who pissed away a fortune. Gotta love Cracked.

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Rollin' with the homies on SNL

This weekend a heavily pregnant Amy Poehler rapped about Sarah Palin as the VP candidate sat in on the set of Weekend Update. Pseudo Eskimos and a dude in a moose suit danced around to add a bit of flava. This hilarious skit reminded me of the reason why I used to watch Saturday Night Live. And Amy, girl, I dig those crazy lyrics. Check it out.

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Burning down the house

I don't understand the point of the Sleep Well Therapy Candle. Yeah, yeah, I get that it's aromatherapy and it's supposed to help you sleep, but in what alternate universe is it recommended to ignite an open flame and then go to sleep? Back when I was single and still tried to set a mood for romance with lovely little flames, I always made sure to blow them out before falling into the sleep of the (sometimes) satisfied. Even if somewhere in the directions ('cause you can't have anything without directions in case some numskull tries to eat glue or something) it warns you to put it out before you fall asleep, how well can it work if you light it to make you sleepy and then are alert enough to blow it out before Mr. Sandman takes you away?

And I love the disclaimer:

Aromatherapy is not a science.
This is a novelty gift item and must be regarded as such.

Thanks for clearing that up. Wouldn't want anyone to think the candle actually does what it says it will do or anything squirmy like that.

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Harlan Ellison frightens me, but I love it

Here's the thing: I've been waiting for the documentary about writer Harlan Ellison, Dreams with Sharp Teeth, to come to DVD for forever, "forever" measuring the time from when I first heard about this maybe a year ago until now. It's been a heavy load, but I'm bearing it well. I have to admit I haven't read much of his work. Um, maybe none, but I did see the original Star Trek episode "City on the Edge of Forever," which won awards but which he denounced because they changed his script. Anyway, based on clips I've seen online, the man is a magnificent lunatic with huge dangling balls of steel.

Here's the trailer for Dreams with Sharp Teeth.

Here's an utterly awesome clip from the film where Ellison complains about people wanting him to work for free, then threatens to burn down studio offices for not sending him a Babylon 5 DVD. Brilliant stuff.

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Joel McHale's too sexy for your soup

Funny guys are hot. Point in case: Joel McHale. Oh Joel, I'll eat your chat stew; I'll eat it up!

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That's Religulous!

Religulous, the new documentary by Bill Maher (although he described it as a comedy rather than a documentary in an interview) looks funny as hell (whether or not hell is actually funny is a debate for the sequel). I lust to see it. Taking on religion is not for the faint-hearted, but Bill seems to do it with amazing grace (haha) and outrageous humor. Go Bill, go Bill, go ... cripes, you get the idea; check out the trailer.

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Welcome

Hi, I'm Shelley, your guide for a magical mystery tour of whatever manages to dig its hooks in and grab my attention long enough to make me laugh, get me outraged, or leave me befuddled enough to comment on it.

I'll be talking about TV, movies, books, relationships, celebrities, the news, or just various things that strike me as pure bullshit. The journey will be sweet, but beware of sharp edges around the cracked bits!

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