Holiday road

I'll be taking a ride down holiday road, so may not be posting much until after Christmas. Happy holidays, y'all!

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Did Ricky Martin just out himself?

Sexy singer Ricky Martin (remember Livin' La Vida Loca?) recently had twins with a surrogate mother.

Now, I'm not a big follower of his career, but he did have some catchy songs a few years back and he looked pretty hot, so he's on my radar. And I remember men back then claiming he was gay, which they always seem to think is the case with any other man who's super hot and has a flair for fashion. They like to drop the "He's gay" bomb in hope women will sigh with resignation, set our sights lower and go out with them instead. Which is what we usually do.

It doesn't matter to me if Ricky Martin is gay or not. But he has dodged questions about his sexuality for a long time. The folks over at The Young Turks say he basically just outed himself by doing the solo-with-surrogate thing (watch the video clip).

Some fans are outraged at the suggestion he may be gay, probably because they have fantasies of one day becoming Mrs. Martin. Get a grip ladies: Whichever way he swings, he's way out of the league of most mere mortals, so the inspiration for his next lusty hit won't be you, anyhow. Just keep shaking it to his tunes and take him as he is regardless of what (or who) comes out in the next few months.

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Congrats Russell Brand & Ricky Gervais

Russell Brand got the award for best live stand-up act at the British Comedy Awards. Granted, the competition isn't exactly stiff for the most part in the UK (they have only a few really good stand-ups that are the cherries atop a dunghill of crap comics), but recognition must be sweet. Just not so sweet that he actually showed up to get the award - he accepted via video.

As did Ricky Gervais, who was the pick for best television comedy actor. He joked in his filmed speech: "I can't be bothered to be there in person. This is beneath me to be honest: I've won real awards, Golden Globes and Emmys." Funny, but maybe a hint of truth in there, as I think people would make a bit more effort to be on hand to scoop up an Oscar. At least he put some real effort into the video - it's mucho funny and includes a guest appearance by George Michael in bed with Gervais.

Congrats, guys, and keep on rocking the UK comedy world!

Just an aside, the actor Brand made rather rude phonecalls to recently on his BBC radio show (which led to his resignation from the program), is pissed that Brand got the award.

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Russell Brand wouldn't suck as "Arthur"

Comedian Russell Brand might remake "Arthur". This could potentially be quite awesome, and I'm not big on remakes. That was a great movie when I watched it as a kid, but after I viewed it a few years ago and noticed how badly the scenes were shot and spliced together ... well, let's just say it begs for a do-over. (Though it would be hard to top the brilliant Dudley Moore; it's not his fault the look of the film has suffered over the years).

But I insist they keep a couple of lines intact (presented here courtesy of IMDB):

Arthur: Do you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to take a bath.
Hobson: I'll alert the media.
Arthur: Do you want to run my bath for me?
Hobson: It's what I live for.
[Arthur exits]
Hobson: Perhaps you would like me to wash your dick for you... you little s***.

Also, this is a must:

Arthur: He's taking the knife out of the cheese!
Linda: Oh, my God!
Arthur: Do you think he wants some cheese?
Linda: No, I think we're gonna die!

Also, I'd just like to suggest they maintain Liza Minnelli as the love interest. Sure, she's 62 now, but that's part of what would give the movie a little zing, while at the same time offering a nice callback to the original. My husband slightly disagrees. His exact words were: "You're sick. Sooo sick. Liza Minnelli is a true case of going from incredibly smoking hot to uggggghhhhhh." But he can't get past that she no longer looks as she did in "Cabaret." You've gotta deal with the real, darlin', and every movie needs a hook. So I envision the movie as a mix of the alcoholic millionaire playboy that was Arthur and the storyline from Harold and Maude. Now *that's* what I call a remake!

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TLC for Bald Guyz

Did you know there are special products to clean your dome if you have no hair? Bald Guyz does a range of products. I don't know which I like more - the fact that they sell "Refreshing Head Wipes," or that they tempt you to buy them with a picture of a guy sporting some snazzy suspenders.

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Rock 'n' Roll Kitties rule!

Last night while watching a documentary on The Clash, I was reminded of those rock 'n' roll kitties called Nameneko from back in the '80s. Joe Strummer had a headband just like the kitties (or perhaps he was mimicking Kamikaze pilots; who's to say?), and it sent me back, oddly enough, to kitty-time.

I didn't have MTV in the '80s, so instead I stayed up all night on the weekends watching Friday Night Videos and Night Flight. Night Flight aired these cute videos of kittens dressed in leather jackets and Japanese headbands, and rocking out on tiny instruments. I loved the kitties, and videos, and staying up way too late binging on '80s music and offbeat movies (Night Flight also aired what some sticks-in-the-mud would've called "B Movies," like Diane Lane's "Ladies and Gentleman, the Fabulous Stains" or "Smithereens.") Good times, '80s teen style, baby!

Check out those rockin' kitties below!

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Black Friday momma

Wednesday night I called Mom. She's 73 and a bit loopy (not due to age - she's always been that way). She told me she read that a few stores would be having big sales the day after Thanksgiving. Um, Mom, they all do that. Every year. Like, um, everyone knows, it's no secret. Then she said she might pop into Wal-Mart on Friday. Um, Mom, it will be a madhouse. Insane. Don't go. So she says she'll go early. Sigh. Mom, *everyone* goes early. Real early. Like they line up before the joint opens so they can save $50 on something that will be sold at near that price before Christmas somewhere else anyway where you don't have to spend several precious hours of your life at a store to get it. She wasn't even looking for a big-ticket bargain - she was probably going to buy milk or something.

So I called her today, and she said she went to Wal-Mart at 7 a.m. Friday and the place was packed. No, really? She didn't buy anything that was on the special sale, but she did find a few things she wanted (that she could've bought without being a Black Friday doorbuster). So she wasn't dissatisfied with the trip, but she is still loopy. Moms are funny.

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If only I could pay bills with stick-figure drawings...

If this story is true, it's pretty awesome. A man tried to pay his utility bill with a drawing of a spider. Not even a good one, not framed and matted, oh no - it was sent via email. Here's the story.

The kicker is that someone then sold the drawing on eBay for $15,000! I'm sure some yahoos thought they were being funny bidding up the cost, so it remains to be seen if any cheddar actually gets handed over.

The guy who won says he "was just having a laugh" and doesn't intend to pay up. Who's sadder - the guy who tormented some poor utility company employee with repeated emails trying to pay their bill with a spider drawing, or the total loser who gets his jollies making false bids on moronic eBay auctions? I'll vote for the eBay loser. At least the guy who did the original drawing exhibited a real sense of humor and did something more taxing and creative than placing a bid on eBay. He did drag the emails out a bit and may have made some poor employee want to bang her head into the desk, but he never got cruel or abusive - just a little annoying to her I imagine. Or maybe he even made her laugh, who knows? He surely gave her something to share at that water cooler.

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Jude Law's still hot, no matter what MSN says

MSN has an article called "Sunken Dreamboats" about how some former hunks are looking worse for the wear. I think it's a bit mean ... but I couldn't resist clicking on the link! Mainly because one of the three men in the main picture looked like someone I'd never seen before. Turns out it was Mickey Rourke (far left in pic below)! Yikes! He's the Titanic and everyone is rushing for the lifeboats!



Of course, with some of the guys, the "after" picture is a police mug shot when they were drunk/stoned or whatever, or some other carefully selected really bad pic. I hotly contest the claim that Jude Law isn't looking so good; they used a bad photo is all, and he still doesn't look exactly dog-faced in that! Me still likey!

But I do have one question: Exactly when did Val Kilmer (far right above) turn into Beau Bridges (right)?!

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Trying to call Wal-Mart about online orders?

I just placed an order at the Web site and noticed a billing error. When I tried to find a customer service number, there wasn't one listed. I Googled it, and according to various articles, Wal-Mart has removed its customer service number for online orders, and you can only email for assistance. I think that's pretty craptacular, so I dug around and found a number. I just called, and it works fine. The automated menus are a bit confusing, as it sounded like I was making a selection to get another automated menu, when it actually took me to a real live person. Success! Here's the info I found online about how to reach Wally World.com:

To reach the Contact Center of Wal-Mart Stores, call 1-800-WALMART (1-800-925-6278), from 7 a.m. to 9 p.m. (CT) Monday - Friday, from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. (CT) Saturday or from 12 p.m. to 6 p.m. (CT) Sunday.

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Axl's new album rocks last fan who still gives a s***

Somewhere out there, some dude clinging to '80s memories of hair bands and Headbangers' Ball actually cares that Guns N' Roses has a new album out. He doesn't mind that GNR as he knew it is now really just Axl Rose (the only remaining original member); he doesn't care that the album took 15 years and $13 million to create yet isn't "the greatest rock album ever made" (what one reviewer said it needed to be to impress after all that time and money); he's not turned off because the rocker that once oozed a dangerous, bad-boy sex appeal (apart from god knows what else he's oozed over the years) now looks like some bloated middle-aged dad who likes to embarrass the kids with a garage band and hairstyle copied from Bo Derek in "10."

Oh no. "Chinese Democracy" breaks like a wave of righteous rock freedom over the lone fan, out there somewhere with his worn-out cassette of "Appetite for Destruction" clutched in a studded leather-gloved hand, bandanna-bound head turned toward the horizon with hope restored in humanity.

I, however, can't relate to this fan. Sure, I remember the thrill of hearing "Welcome to the Jungle" in 1987. I was a teen in a small town, and that song seemed to kick my teeth in and shine into my gaping maw the light of what seemed an immensely harsher, cooler world than anything I'd ever known. That song still rocks, and still evokes images of the video with Axl shaking his skinny ass on stage with the teased-out hair and lipstick of a million anonymous glam rockers, but seeming to have something more to say, something more underneath than any of the rest. It turns out what lay beneath was a big steaming pile of ego, but hey, at least he churned out some hella good music before the stench got overwhelming.

I haven't heard the new album. I'm not overly interested in it and won't be lining up with whatever fans remain to get the album at Best Buy, the sole spot to pick up this would-be masterpiece. Maybe I'll go back and listen to "Appetite for Destruction" and remember the good ol' days, back when Axl was a hot rock star instead of some guy who just doesn't seem as cool as I thought he was when I was in high school.

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Stuff White People Like

I just heard about the Web site called Stuff White People Like. It's pretty funny and slightly edgy (are we supposed to make fun of race, even if targets middle-class white posers? Ooh, naughty naughty). It has even spawned a best-selling book of the same title. I must say, though, on the post about hummus, that I not only like humus but I've seen non-white friends eat it, too. But then again, I was the one who ordered the hummus appetizer. Were they just being polite? Am I the only one who truly enjoyed the toasted pita and the tangy chickpea concoction? Or maybe, just maybe, I should not worry about it and simply enjoy the site - and my hummus - and leave it at that. Sounds like a plan.

Just for funsies, here's a taste (haha) of what the site says about hummus:

All white people like hummus. In fact, if you find a white person who does not like hummus then they probably just haven’t tasted it or they are the wrong kind of white person. In either case, they are probably not someone that you want to know.

Putting out a plate of hummus and pita makes white people very comfortable. It reminds them of home since at any given time a white person has hummus in their fridge. Even the most barren white refrigerator will have a package of the stuff next to an empty Brita filter.

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Are ducks REALLY experts on cleaning the loo?

Today I rolled up my sleeves, lifted the seat and "injected" a gooey blue glob that looked like gummy candy near the inside rim of my toilet bowl. I'll try anything that might cut down housework (which cuts into my wasting time on the Internet). It's called Toilet Duck Fresh Discs, and it consists of a thick gel in a kind of huge syringe you squeeze into your toilet. It's supposed to be more sanitary than hanging some king of freshener inside the bowl. I'm a little iffy on the hygiene of finding a place to store the syringe you just stuck in the toilet, but it does come with a lid -- and I stuck the whole thing back in the original box, too.

Want to see it in action? Here's the ad clip.

We'll see how it works; it looks like I'm not the only one who's wondered about this. Based on this chat online, I may be in for a bit of nastiness trying to clean off the glob. If only I could get that industrious little duck from the ad to come do the toilets. I could feed him in bread crumbs.

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Kickin' it with Sex and the City

Yes, I've seen all the episodes more than once, but they still make me laugh and give an odd sense of comfort for awhile. My husband always likes to point out "We've seen this one." Um, yes, we've seen them all (at least I have). Funny how he doesn't mind watching The Simpsons episodes over and over.

But tonight he wasn't home and I could gleefully watch without his incredulous presence mocking me. In honor of the continued good times delivered by my favorite gal-pal show, here are some great lines from a rerun I re-watched tonight:

Season 4, Episode 10: Belles of the Balls

The set up: Big joined Carrie at Aidan's country house to cry on her shoulder over a lost love. He and Aidan end up fighting in the mud.

Carrie: "Stop it! You're middle-aged!"

Big: "Ow! That dog just bit my ass!" (as Petie ends the fight with a well-placed chomp)

You can watch the clip in question on YouTube.

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Alanis rocks that junk inside that trunk

Ok, this is a bit of an oldie, but still a goody. Alanis Morissette lent her special treatment - and sense of humor - to "My Humps" by Fergie and the Black Eyed Peas (made last year I think). I love Alanis so much, if for no other reason than singing the angry-chick anthem "You Oughta Know" at karaoke nights has brought me so much pleasure over the years.

That deep, intense treatment given to "My Humps" - lyrics that were never meant to be listened to all that closely - is hilarious. And for a second here and there, she even makes the song seem like it has hidden depths. Granted, those depths are hidden deep beneath lines like "What you gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk." But it seems like an introspection-inspiring, probing question the way Alanis sings it.

Girl has talent AND a sense of humor. Gotta love that. Go on, Alanis, you had me at "my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps." Check out the video below.

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The dark side of Ferris Bueller

What if "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" were a dark, introspective drama rather than a comedy? You never wondered? Well someone did, and re-cut some scenes with pensive music to make a trailer for "Requiem for a Day Off." Good stuff. Cheers to the good folks at PopWatch Blog for bringing it to my attention as their clip du jour.

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How far we've come since When We Were Kings

Last night I watched the outstanding Oscar-winning documentary "When We Were Kings," which follows Muhammad Ali as he takes on the much younger heavyweight champ George Foreman in Zaire. What an amazing film, and it highlights how far we as a nation have come in 34 years.

In 1974 Ali was exuberant to be going to Africa for the fight, to ride on a plane piloted by black men, to feel freedom for the first time, as he put it. While the country they were going to was not exactly free itself as it was ruled by a dictator's heavy, bloody hand, Ali was excited and hopeful for a world of new possibilities and his chance to be a positive role model to black children.

And that's the story the movie tells more than the story of a boxing match. It's a story of hope and strength of the spirit and overcoming adversity. The fight was in 1974 (the documentary wasn't compiled and interlaced with new interviews of people discussing the importance of the fight until 1996). The time the fight took place wasn't too long after key events in the Civil Rights movement; it wasn't too long after Martin Luther King Jr., JFK, Bobby Kennedy and Malcolm X were assassinated. And now, just a generation after the fight took place, America has elected it's first black president, Barack Obama. Which in itself has stimulated feelings of hope and optimism - exactly what Ali carried with him as he prepared to take on a titan, exactly what the cheering crowds seemed to feel as Ali claimed victory.

As for Foreman, he seemed short on words and lacking the vivacious personality the crowds of Zaire loved from Ali. The film says Foreman went into a deep depression for two years after the fight; I don't blame him - he wasn't out-fought by Ali, he was out-witted. But he turned that around, and now is the smiling, likable father-figure who's made a fortune selling electric grills (I've got a pink one myself). So this fight was a real turning point for Foreman in many ways it seems, and he must have come out of it a changed man. I didn't see the Academy Awards show where this film won an Oscar, but my husband tells me that Foreman helped his former foe to the stage (Ali has suffered from Parkinsons Disease since the early '80s).

I don't know much about boxing. I really don't like watching guys pummel each other, it never seemed like a sport to me. But now I kind of get it. It's not just about pummeling each other, it's also a match of skills and wits. And boxers have often been men who've overcome the odds and prejudice or poverty, so the audience feels a kinship of sorts, a sense of joining the boxers as they all overcome adversity. I think that's the appeal anyway; as I said, I've never followed boxing or had a good handle on any sports.

But being a boxing fan isn't required to enjoy this movie. It's definitely a must-see just for how well it's done, and for how it's a marvelous period-piece offering a look at a place and time in American history - even if much of the action takes place in Africa.

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FOTC star welcomes baby Sophocles

The adorable Jemaine Clement, one half of my favorite guitar-based digi-bongo a capella-rap-funk-comedy folk duo Flight of the Conchords, is the proud papa of a baby boy named Sophocles. I'm usually against names that might get you beat down on the playground, but this one's pretty cool.

Congrats, Jemaine, and way to prove you really were ready for Business Time.

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Tasty licks

- More sex, anyone? Kim Cattrall reportedly says there will be another Sex and the City movie.

- Now that's what I call an amicable split: Simon Cowell gives ex-girlfriend a $10 million parting gift.

- No she didn't!: Hugh Heffner's Former No. 1 girlfriend says he's high maintenance - and gives a little insight into their sex life.

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Tasty licks (election special)

- Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert guided the nation through election night as only they could. Watch the clips at Indecision 2008.

- Taking it to the blogs - comment on the election: Culture Vulture, Newscoma, Achenblog, Hot off the Trail, DeadlineUSA

- Editorial cartoons offer various takes on Obama's win.

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Bushisms - say what?!

Bush is a great speaker - from a comedy perspective. Yahoo! did a look back at some of the comments that befuddled the nation over the last eight years.

The list included one of my favorite Bushisms:

"I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family." - Jan. 27, 2000

Then there's the classic comment:

"There's an old saying in Tennessee - I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee - that says, fool me once, shame on - shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again." - Sept. 17, 2002

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Extra! Read all about it! Obama is front page news - everywhere!

America has a new president today (well, technically we still have the same ol' one, but we know Bush will be moving house come early next year). In honor of the historic election of Barack Obama, let's take a look at how the story is being played on newspaper front pages around the world:

- The Newseum has front pages from across the globe; just select a region to narrow it down.

- Sky News has a gallery of front pages in UK papers. (My fav front here is The Sun, in which Obama sort of looks like the bionic man running toward the headline of "ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND" - it's fun AND informative. The "most lame" award goes to the Daily Star, with the headline "Yanks very much!" in a small corner - the big "news" on the page is a huge picture of a half-naked woman next to the scene-stealing headline "Abbey Clancy in thigh high boots." However, the headline "GOBAMA" in the Daily Mirror is pretty suck-tacular, too.

Know of a front page today that is really good - or really bad? Or have a suggestion for a good site to see a range of newspaper front pages (not the fronts for just one publication)? Share your thoughts and a link in the comments section!

And a little fyi, check the news links today as they may change to new front pages tomorrow. Though I'm pretty sure Obama will still be the dominant topic then, so you'll still have an interesting view of how the same story is presented in different parts of a country or the world.

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Vote, or celebrities will kill you

You may have seen that hip clip that's supposed to make people get out and vote because celebrities told them to. It actually does highlight the issues you may want to address with your vote (though does your vote really address any issues if candidates don't do what they say they will?), but you do start to feel a little condescended to. Nevertheless, the clip is peppered with bits of humor and is worth watching for that alone. But get comfy, 'cause it runs about twice as long as it should. Right around halfway through the nearly five-minute clip, when it starts to get extra pushy, that's when they should've called it quits for sure. I went from feeling a sense of the importance of voting at the beginning, to feeling these famous know-it-alls should f*** off and quit trying to bully me at the end.

I guess I wasn't the only one feeling a bit irked, because as always, some guys on YouTube have an answer to the celeb clip. They don't seem to want to vote just because Rachel and Monica from Friends want them to, the cheeky beggars. And like the original it parodies, it runs twice as long as it should. I thought it was great for the first half, then got bored and wandered off.

But only you can decide what to think about these clips. Don't let me take the decision out of your hands by failing to turn up at the polls, er, I mean the YouTube site, to let your voice be heard. You know, in the comments section under the vids? That's a great way to speak out, and you don't have to stand in any lines on a friggin' cold November day, either. I'm just saying.

Seriously, voting is an honor and a privilege; many people have fought, suffered and even died for that right. Which does add weight to the act of voting, but let's not act like people who don't vote are to blame for all the world's ills and probably kick puppies, too. Do what you feel, go with your heart, and don't take any crap from those loudmouths who say you don't have a right to complain if you didn't vote. 'Cause I'll tell ya right now, you always have a right to complain. And the right to tell them, in the immortal words of Kathy Griffin, that they "can all suck it!".

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I Dream of Jeannie's Diner

Do you love I Dream of Jeannie and Suzanne Vega? Who doesn't?! Yesterday the infectious tune used in Nick at Nite promos in the '90s kept rolling through my head -- you know, the one where they wrote a song about I Dream of Jeannie and did it to the tune of Vega's "Tom's Diner." And it's on YouTube! Get out your harem pants, 'cause here it is:



Check out the lyrics:

I am sitting on the sofa, there's a TV in the corner
I am watching Major Nelson, he is played by Larry Hagman (Jeannie!)
And he found a little bottle, and out popped Barbara Eden
But she couldn't show her belly button, all she did was blink

(Dr. Bellows: Uh, Good Evening Major Nelson)
Tony Nelson works at NASA with suspicious Dr. Bellows
And there's also Roger Healy, who would become Howard Borden (Jeannie!)
And Jeannie always means well, but they get in wacky trouble
She folds her arms and blinks her eyes, it's kind of like Bewitched

(Jeannie!)
(Jeannie! Jeannie!)
(Yes, master!)

Oh the reruns will continue on the TV as I'm watching
The pink smoke of her bottle
I am dreaming of Jeannie
(Jeannie!)

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Tasty licks

- Ooh, The Simpsons intro parodying the Mad Men intro is online, thanks to Videogum.com. Check it out!

- It's been a long and winding road, but the Beatles finally go digital with an upcoming video game.

- It's hard out there for a Time Lord: David Tennant is leaving Doctor Who. Who might steer the Tardis in his place?

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Somehow, I think Russell Brand will be OK

Russell Brand is out of a job. Here's a video clip of his apology and resignation, and quite a nice, sincere one it is, too. He did screw up, but the man does have an endearing charm about him. Kind of like a dog that will pee on your leg, then give you an innocent look with those big, sad eyes, and you don't know whether to be mad or charmed. Which is to say, Brand may be down, but don't count him out quite yet.

The British actor/comedian/radio and TV host quit a BBC radio show after creating a big stir by making some rather rude phone calls to an elderly actor about the man's burlesque-queen granddaughter (whom Brand apparently did have a relationship with at one time, and who called for him to get the ax). His partner in crime, Jonathan Ross, got suspended.

Brand is a huge star in the UK, and is gaining ground in the States, where he's known as a host of the MTV awards and a star of the movie "Forgetting Sarah Marshall". So while he reportedly has a $12 million a year contract with the BBC, I'm sure he'll be fine if that cash cow dries up for him.

At least I hope he will be; I'm sure his bills for hair gel, eyeliner, and skin-tight black jeans must be over the six-figure range, and it simply wouldn't do for him to be too broke to maintain that spiky haired rocker look. I kinda dig it.

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Tasty licks

- Love a good Top Ten list from David Letterman? He recently took on Sarah Palin's pricey wardrobe.

- The Simpsons will do their take of Mad Men's retro-cool opener on Nov. 2 in the "Treehouse of Horror XIX" episode, according to bestweekever.tv. Check out the great screenshots on the site (can you say "hip wallpaper")?

- Alabama levies a "fat tax" on state government workers by way of upping health insurance premiums come January. So, will they raise premiums for smokers? People with a family history of cancer? This could get sticky, y'all.

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Are Russell Brand & Jonathan Ross naughty Brit boys?

British celebs Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross are in hot water over a series of phone messages they left for 78-year-old actor Andrew Sachs (the guy who played waiter Manuel on Fawlty Towers) during a BBC radio show. They got down and dirty, making comments involving Brand having sex with the actor's 23-year-old granddaughter, Georgina Baillie. Baillie is a member of the burlesque dance group the Satanic Sluts and goes by the moniker "Voluptua."

Now, just because she "perform[s] violent, horrific and sexy burlesque shows" (according to her Myspace page) doesn't mean she deserves to be talked about so rudely on the radio, even on the off chance she did get freaky with Brand (a possibility as they do know each other and have professed a love of all things carnal). And it certainly doesn't mean her 75-year-old paw-paw should get raunchy messages about her on his machine.

The whole issue is a bit more touchy because tax money funds the BBC, so it's a bit of a scandal when men who are paid millions of British pounds in taxpayers' money say really crass things to an old man about his granddaughter. That's a bit of an oopsy.

I'm not sure which side of the fence I'm on. Celebrities saying naughty things to a man about his granddaugther (and later suggesting he might kill himself after hearing them)? I'm gonna have to say that's a no-no. But then again, anyone who's heard Russell Brand knows he can go a bit overboard - that's what he's paid for. He's actually a good comic, and of a sort that could very possibly break the American market - the humor of most comics in the UK doesn't translate well, but Brand's does. But he likes to be a bit of the Howard-Stern-shock-jock of England at times, and the thing about going out on a limb is that sometimes it breaks off beneath you. I don't really know much about Jonathan Ross; he's huge in the UK, though. I'm guessing he gets paid to be outrageous, too.

So, were these guys just earning their paychecks? Or did they cross a line? Do they deserve to be fired, as some politicians have demanded? I think maybe a reprimand would suffice, as firing them for being outrageous is a bit like firing a chef for cooking. But then again, if the chef ruins your dinner party with a crap meal .... hmm. I don't think this was a hanging offence, though it would've been closer to one if the young lady in question were a private citizen rather than someone who is a bit of a public figure who also is not exactly engaged in a demure line of work. What do you think?

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Tasty licks

- I'm simply flabbergasted.

- Here's the promo for the next season of Lost. I can't wait!

- Obama gets backing from old-school TV stars - Opie, Andy and the Fonz. They even did a video reviving their characters.

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NYT: Hicks need not apply

In its ad for a stringer in Atlanta, The New York Times clearly thinks everyone in the South fixates on "dog fights, cock fights, or the Confederate flag." That's not true. They also like Nascar and Wal-Marting.

But seriously, I spent a large portion of my life in the deep South, and I'm a bit offended the Times thinks those "issues" will be so prominent among possible correspondents that it warns them away in the job ad. Maybe it gets tons of such story pitches and that's why the footnote was included. Or maybe some smug A-hole who assumes all Southerners are hicks thought it best to head the tobaccy-chawing inbreds off at the pass. The Times is a good newspaper in general, but in this case, the NYT can suck it. Thanks for the tip off, Katie and Newscoma.

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Looks count for candidates - especially women

It's a non-scandal. People have been complaining about the $150,000 spent on clothes, hair and makeup for Sarah Palin by the Republican National Committee as she stumps for office. I'm no fan of Palin, but we all know popularity gets tangled up with looks, and far, far more so for women than for men. If Palin were 10 times as qualified but looked half as good, she probably wouldn't even be on the ticket. Basically, if Palin looks good, her chances to win look good (well, maybe not good, but a hell of a lot better than if she weren't milfy). Here's a CNN news babe that shares my sentiments.

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But are Eels tracks still free in a parallel universe?

Hot indie band the Eels are giving away a four-track live EP online until Oct. 28. To hear clips of the band's music, check out their Myspace page.

An interesting aside about this band: Lead singer and songwriter Mark Oliver Everett was also the topic of the documentary "Parallel Worlds, Parallel Lives," which looks at his relationship with his father, the late quantum physicist Hugh Everett III, who developed the theory of parallel universes. This aired on PBS last night, but hopefully will repeat. It also aired months ago in the UK, and was a very interesting look at not only the father-son relationship between these two men, but also the theory of parallel universes itself. It seems Mark never fully understood his father's theory (how many do?), and the documentary is a journey through his discovery of what the theory was about as well as what his father was about, too. Read more about Mark here.

Mark's autobiography, "Things the Grandchildren Should Know," hit stores earlier this month in the States. It's been out since January in the UK. Should make for interesting reading.

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You're surprised that Sarah Silverman sucks?

The audience booed comic Sarah Silverman at her first-ever show in London. Was I surprised? Yes and no. I've always thought she was a minimal talent who occasionally brings the funny, but who too often relies on being crudely shocking without having anything worth a laugh behind it. So I can understand why an audience wouldn't dig her.

But this was a British audience. Get that, BRITISH. As in the people who made the likes of Al Murray the Pub Landlord, Johnny Vegas and Lee Evans (or as I call him, "sweat boy") big stars. If you're American you probably haven't heard of them, because they are so patently unfunny that in the States they couldn't get a gig as the opener for an open mic night. In the UK, they get TV specials and sell out shows at you-must-be-kidding British ticket prices. If the audiences are generous enough with their laughs (and money) to make that lot stars, surely they'd be willing to go for Silverman's salty shtick.

Which is why I was surprised - and impressed - when they didn't. Sure, they were fool-hardy enough to pay about £45 a ticket (that's roughly $76), but at least they stood (or sat) their ground by refusing to leave when she put in only 40 minutes. This forced her to come back and do a short Q&A as an encore before telling the audience to go home. What, she couldn't pull another 15 minutes of material out of her ass? That's surely where she keeps her best jokes anyway, so what was the problem? She's been in this business for 15 years or so, and should have loads of material (if she were worth a damn). Dave Attell is one of my favorite stand-ups, and that guy not only can blow you away with a show, but if you catch him more than once while he's doing a slate of weekend gigs, you'll get an almost entirely different show each time because he has a huge amount of material developed over the years. That's the way any long-time comedian worth his salt should be.

I'm really curious as to whether many in Silverman's audience thought she wasn't funny during the set, or liked the show but were only pissed over the length. The BBC article linked above does note one fan saying it was all old material, but that's all it says on the subject. Chortle reviewer Steve Bennett backs that up when he says her material was "familiar," but also says Silverman "did nothing to disappoint." So I'm guessing many fans enjoyed the show, but the length is what really got their hackles up.

I was also curious if she had an opening act that might have filled out the length of the show. According to Bennett, there was "only the scantest of embarrassing support from Matt Berry and Rich Fulcher to pad this out into a show." Question answered, and it sounds like fans got a raw deal.

Note to Silverman: If you're lucky enough to have built a successful career and have fans willing to pay $76 to hear you spout your often sub-par routine, the least you can do is put in the effort and give them a show that lasts longer than it took to park the car.

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Tasty licks

- SNL raked in its best ratings in 14 years thanks to Sarah Palin. Wow, do you think the woman who's indirectly helping revive what used to be the coolest show on TV ever even watched it before now?

- Marcia, Marcia, Marcia! The Brady babe finally tells her story in a memoir, only to get slammed in this review. Maybe that dude from the Monkees can serenade the bad vibes away.

- Six famous people who pissed away a fortune. Gotta love Cracked.

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Rollin' with the homies on SNL

This weekend a heavily pregnant Amy Poehler rapped about Sarah Palin as the VP candidate sat in on the set of Weekend Update. Pseudo Eskimos and a dude in a moose suit danced around to add a bit of flava. This hilarious skit reminded me of the reason why I used to watch Saturday Night Live. And Amy, girl, I dig those crazy lyrics. Check it out.

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Burning down the house

I don't understand the point of the Sleep Well Therapy Candle. Yeah, yeah, I get that it's aromatherapy and it's supposed to help you sleep, but in what alternate universe is it recommended to ignite an open flame and then go to sleep? Back when I was single and still tried to set a mood for romance with lovely little flames, I always made sure to blow them out before falling into the sleep of the (sometimes) satisfied. Even if somewhere in the directions ('cause you can't have anything without directions in case some numskull tries to eat glue or something) it warns you to put it out before you fall asleep, how well can it work if you light it to make you sleepy and then are alert enough to blow it out before Mr. Sandman takes you away?

And I love the disclaimer:

Aromatherapy is not a science.
This is a novelty gift item and must be regarded as such.

Thanks for clearing that up. Wouldn't want anyone to think the candle actually does what it says it will do or anything squirmy like that.

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Harlan Ellison frightens me, but I love it

Here's the thing: I've been waiting for the documentary about writer Harlan Ellison, Dreams with Sharp Teeth, to come to DVD for forever, "forever" measuring the time from when I first heard about this maybe a year ago until now. It's been a heavy load, but I'm bearing it well. I have to admit I haven't read much of his work. Um, maybe none, but I did see the original Star Trek episode "City on the Edge of Forever," which won awards but which he denounced because they changed his script. Anyway, based on clips I've seen online, the man is a magnificent lunatic with huge dangling balls of steel.

Here's the trailer for Dreams with Sharp Teeth.

Here's an utterly awesome clip from the film where Ellison complains about people wanting him to work for free, then threatens to burn down studio offices for not sending him a Babylon 5 DVD. Brilliant stuff.

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Joel McHale's too sexy for your soup

Funny guys are hot. Point in case: Joel McHale. Oh Joel, I'll eat your chat stew; I'll eat it up!

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That's Religulous!

Religulous, the new documentary by Bill Maher (although he described it as a comedy rather than a documentary in an interview) looks funny as hell (whether or not hell is actually funny is a debate for the sequel). I lust to see it. Taking on religion is not for the faint-hearted, but Bill seems to do it with amazing grace (haha) and outrageous humor. Go Bill, go Bill, go ... cripes, you get the idea; check out the trailer.

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Welcome

Hi, I'm Shelley, your guide for a magical mystery tour of whatever manages to dig its hooks in and grab my attention long enough to make me laugh, get me outraged, or leave me befuddled enough to comment on it.

I'll be talking about TV, movies, books, relationships, celebrities, the news, or just various things that strike me as pure bullshit. The journey will be sweet, but beware of sharp edges around the cracked bits!

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